There are so many times I feel ready to take on the world, but this little voice (okay, sometimes it’s a roaring beast) in my head snidely asks me “Who do you think you are?”

Who do I think I am to start a blog? Who do I think I am to share my writing? Who do I think I am to ever give others advice on anything? Who do I think I am to be a mom of a terminal special needs child? Who do I think I am raising another son who is beyond magnificent? Who do I think I am to help start a special needs ministry from scratch? There’s no need for me to keep going, right? You get the point.

All of those questions (and more) have held me back from starting things in my life that I know I have the right to start. Will I fail sometimes? Yes. Often. But what if I don’t? I watch my youngest son every single day fight to walk, to stand, to roll over, to breathe. I came to a point in my life (call it mid-life crisis if you will) where I was done being scared. I finally had to stop asking myself who I thought I was and begin believing in who God thinks I am. Who does He say I am?

Before I go any further, I am a Christian. I am an imperfect Christian. I am also open-minded enough to know not everyone reading this will be Christian. To those non-Christians reading this – I see you and I hope you find a safe space here. I have respect for you. If we agree on anything, it is that there is something bigger than ourselves orchestrating our lives. To be completely honest, if you don’t believe that fact, you will not remain here on my blog for long. No one will ever convince me that that “higher-being” isn’t our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I can confidently say that no one will ever convince me to not be a Christian. Ever. But please know that I respect everyone’s views and hope you get something out of this anyway. If I can do anything for non-Christians, it is to hopefully to show you that a true Christian is love. Period. A true Christian is hospitable and non-judgmental. A true Christian will welcome you with open arms, no matter who you are. Please know those facts about me before we go any further. With that said, I will never apologize for talking about my faith. It is just as much a part of me as is my beating heart. If you ever want to discuss it, please reach out to me. I don’t know a lot. I’m always learning. But I know a lot of smart people who know more than I do! 😉

I grew up in a Christian home, took an 8-year hiatus during my late teens and early ’20s, then eventually came back to my faith once I realized nothing else came close to being sufficient for me. I am a realist. I like facts. And to be honest, Christianity was difficult for me when I was younger. I was a statistics and math major. Trust me when I say I need structure and 2+2 to equal 4. But being the self-proclaimed geek I am, I started really searching for answers in the Bible. I listened to many different preachers, podcasts, etc. I read books. I wanted facts. I listened and read information from Christians, from others of different denominations, and I even listened to atheists. I figured if I wanted answers, they had as much to offer than anyone. What I found was truths in God’s Word. So I came back to the church. I taught Sunday school for kindergarteners. Little did I know, I still knew nothing about how superficial my faith truly was. I believed in God. But I didn’t really know Him. Nothing shakes your faith than having to truly trust God and His plan, no matter how unjust it may seem to you at the time.

After my youngest son T.J.’s diagnosis (read more about that here and here) in 2012, I became extremely angry with God. I knew he was there. I knew he was guiding me. I never doubted that. But I was angry that He would allow this to happen to my beautiful bright boy. To our entire family! Who did He think He was?!

God didn’t rail at me for that disrespectful question. He didn’t ignore me. He was patient with me and He loved on me. Over the past 7 years, God has shown me that He is patient. He is loving. He is gentle. He is unapologetic. He is kind to everyone. He is our living hope. He is our true salvation. He loves TJ more than I do. My children are actually His. My boys are entrusted to me so they may know Him and return to Him. Only He knows when that date will be. God has bigger plans for each of us than our human minds can comprehend. And if we stop questioning who He is, He will show us who He thinks we are.

I am a daughter of the one true king.
I am free from the confines of this life.
I am loved unconditionally.
I am here for a reason.
I am protected.
I am cherished.
I am forgiven.
I am chosen.
I am His.

Those facts are what I hope we can remind each other of consistently. I would love to say since I know who He says I am, that I don’t ever forget or doubt myself. That’s just not the case. I’m human and doubt creeps in no matter how big and bad I think I am. Heck, even Moses doubted himself asking God “Who am I?” (Exodus 3:11) when God gave Moses an important task to talk to Pharoh. I can totally relate to Moses when he was like ‘Um, I don’t know God. That might not be such a good idea.’ But I pray you and I can help each other maneuver through this life while holding dear to our heart WHOSE we are.

My family is a music family. Only my oldest son has musical talent, but the rest of us love music anyway. Please listen to “Who you say I am” by Hillsong Worship. It’s a beautiful song to help remind us that we are who God says we are.

Remember, when we doubt who we are, we need to remember WHOSE we are. We need to remember who He thinks we are and act on that as if we agree with Him. If He believes in you, who are you to argue?!