Well-meaning people tell me all the time that God won’t give me more than I can handle. I just don’t think that’s true.
I appreciate the sentiment. I know it’s meant to make me feel better about the special needs/medically complex life we now reside in. I believe that God WILL absolutely give you more than you can handle.
I don’t believe He “gives” pain and problems to us. Pain is a part of our fallen world.
Just as he doesn’t give us the pain, He doesn’t bring us immediately out of that pain either. And if you are anything like me, you may wonder why He doesn’t. Why let us live in this pain?
I believe we all subconsciously believe that there is some type of pain barometer. Once our pain reaches a certain level, we’re done. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works.
My son has a terminal diagnosis. That doesn’t mean that all other aspects of my life are pain or stress-free. In fact, the diagnosis exacerbates the pain at times. I still struggle with insecurity, my own health, financial strains, marriage woes, all the fun that comes with raising teenagers, and any other strain this life throws at us. We aren’t exempt from everything else just because we have a child with special needs.
So let’s think about the “God won’t give you more than you can handle” statement for a bit. Let’s say He doesn’t give you more than you can handle; you can always deal with whatever life throws at you. Why would we ever turn to Him? Why would we ever seek His guidance? Why would we ever sit with Him in prayer? Why would our relationship with Him ever deepen?
I look at my son’s diagnosis like this – my son is too amazing to not have a huge purpose on this Earth. I look at my son and know that God is turning all of this chaos around for the greater good.
And life can be downright chaotic and messy at times. A writing mentor of mine once said that “God turns the mess into a message.” Oh, how I believe that to be true.
Are you struggling to find the message within the mess? That’s normal. Try these few things to try and find that P.E.A.C.E. (I’m a bit nutty over acronyms!)
- Pray. Pray honestly. Ask God to help you find the message. Ask Him to help navigate the chaos.
- Ease. Ease up on yourself. No one expects you to know everything. Give yourself grace to not have all the answers. Give yourself permission to rest in the mess.
- Accept. As crazy and difficult as it is, accept the mess. Accept that the mess may not change. Accept that your child’s diagnosis is what it is. Once you accept it, you can really start to see past it. No, accepting does not mean you stop advocating for a cure or for your child’s well-being. It means you accept that your life is a gift, just as it is.With that said, I pray for a cure for my son every day; I’m just not sitting back in despair – waiting for the cure – in order to find the message in my mess. I’m not missing the amazing life we do have now.
- Care. Caring for your child is a no-brainer. Caring for you, your marriage, or your dreams? Well, those can be harder to do; but they are just as important.
- Engage. Engage in the mess. Take a good look at it and try to see common themes. What do you struggle with the most? Where do you excel? What do you have to offer? Where can you pay it forward?
What message is He forming out of your mess? Let it be a grand one.