I love pictures. I have more pictures than I know what to do with. I guarantee I don’t even remember why I took half of them.

When my boys were little, I carried around a huge camera bag and took pictures of everything. Everything. In fact, I would say either of their names and without looking up from what they were doing, or sometimes even turning around, they would loudly say “Cheeeeeese!” After I accumulated hundreds (and I do mean hundreds) of pictures, I’d sit down at our computer and spend a ton of time downloading all of them. I would even make CDs (those are those round disc things) for my son’s teammates at the end-of-season parties.

But there was one moment when I realized I was so busy taking pictures of my family making memories that my major contribution to the memory was to capture it, not participate in it. Needless to say, I didn’t like that one bit. So, I have since made a concerted effort to put the camera down and just BE in the moment. I decided to be present. I decided to participate and contribute (even if it’s not something I’m particularly jazzed about doing). Pictures are still important to me. But they are secondary to the actual memory now. The pictures aren’t a vital part of the memories like they used to be for me.

My family took a vacation to South Carolina late this summer before school started again. It was the location Connor chose for his high school graduation trip. This trip literally came days before dropping him off at college. There are so many emotions with this major life transition. If I could bottle up the time we spent on vacation, I would do it in a heartbeat. But since that is unfortunately not an option, we settled for making memories instead. And no, there were no pictures to stand as proof that we had an amazing week. Actually, the fact that there are very few pictures from the entire week is proof to me that we spent the week just being in the moment with each other.

Have you ever taken a photo of a beautiful sunset, a gorgeous beach, or your children in one of the most heartwarming moments, just to show off the picture later and feel obligated to say “Oh, the picture doesn’t even begin to capture the true beauty of it? That’s how I started to feel about memories in general. That isn’t to say pictures are bad. I am still constantly taking pictures. My boys roll their eyes all the time. But I simply have to step back and let the moment stand alone for what it was. For instance, …

• TJ wanted to go into the ocean. But he doesn’t have the strength to stand with even the smallest of waves hitting his legs. Craig and Connor decided to put him on a boogie board after carrying him through the waves. TJ was having fun and my boys were working together. I couldn’t help but tear up and thank God for my family and that moment. No picture available.

• A storm came in early one evening so we stayed in the condo after dinner. We decided to play UNO. Ya know, the card game…with actual cards. No electronics. No drama. Just laughing and enjoying each other. No picture available.

• Connor has always seemed to come up with some of the slap-your-forehead-funny comments. He either makes no sense or he sounds like a grandpa – and he’s done this his whole life. His Aunt Emily likes to pat him on the cheek and tell him that he’s pretty. We have nicknamed his funny comments as “Connor-isms.” He had three doozies over the vacation, which we wouldn’t let go. (They still come up even now.) There were a few times that we all laughed so hard we couldn’t talk. No picture available.

• My husband constantly told me how nice I looked, whether I was swimming, sweating, or actually showered. In fact, there was one very young couple in high school who couldn’t stop touching each other at the pool one afternoon. We were amazed that the young man didn’t have a tan line in the shape of his girlfriend hanging on him. On the second day we were at the pool with the duo, Craig looked at me and said, “Let’s show them how it’s done.” I swear I giggled like a high schooler. No picture available.

• Connor wanted to push TJ’s wheelchair all the time. And if they had enough open space, TJ put his arms out to his sides like a plane while Connor would run and push him as fast as he could. They both would laugh every. single. time. No picture available.

• Even at 18 years old, Connor and I still like to collect seashells and show them off to each other. No picture available.

• Craig and I woke up, sat on the balcony, and watched the sunrise each morning. We would then go in and make breakfast together. We’d sit down as a family and decide what we all wanted to do that day. No picture available.

• We stayed in a 3 bedroom condo. I figured the boys would want their own room. I was wrong. They decided to both stay in the room with the twin beds. I could hear them laughing and talking. And there was something about being able to walk in and kiss them both goodnight. AND they let me without complaining! No picture available.

• Connor and I have wanted to parasail together for several years now. It just hadn’t worked out on any vacation up until this one. Once we found out we were most likely going to go, TJ said he’d like to go if he could. I called around and found a wonderful place that was safe for TJ (most are too physically demanding). Click here to check out a previous post about bucket list experience. (Okay…so we paid for a picture package.)It seemed like just a millisecond that we were in the air. But it also seemed like a lifetime’s worth of sheer happiness. I was sitting between my boys and we were all pointing things out, laughing and having the best time. After we were done, and we were in the car loaded up, I told the boys I’d be right back. I ran back down to the beach, asked to see the owner, and just hugged him. I thanked him for working so hard to make this happen for us. No picture available.

• TJ is a history buff. This vacation was Connor’s graduation trip. But he was more than okay spending a day or two in Charleston and going to Fort Sumter. If you’ve ever visited a historic site, you know they are typically not accessible. This fort was only accessible on the bottom level. We were on the first tour, so we got to see the raising of the flag that day. The flag and ceremony were on the top of the fort. Craig decided to carry TJ up the entire two flights. Connor carried the wheelchair. Did I mention it was a heat index of 100+ degrees? TJ was (and always is) so grateful. He loves giving his dad or I kisses when we pick him up or carry him. He’ll also keep saying things to us like “You’re doing good. Keep going. Almost there. Do you need to take a break? Be careful.” He kept kissing his dad the entire way up (and back down). No picture available.

• I got seasick on the ride out to Fort Sumter. Fortunately, we were inside the boat and at a table, so I was able to put my head down. TJ was concerned while Craig rubbed my back. Craig had to say several times “Mom’s fine, TJ. She just gets seasick easily.” All three of my boys were concerned and offered to help me leave the ship. No picture available.

• Craig and I tend to be extremely goofy and we are typically unapologetic for it. For the entire week, we had two teenagers that not only didn’t mind it, but they also encouraged it and laughed with us, often joining in. No picture available.

These are all memories that are almost as vivid today as they were a couple of months ago. Almost. They have faded a bit, which seems to always be the way. It’s like our memories become faded around the edges over time, don’t they?

One day I’ll consider it a success if my boys look back at growing up, recall “general” memories, talk about how much fun we had, and they’ll just know that both of their parents were an active part of that fun. And when they ask to see pictures, I’ll remind them that there are no pictures available at this time.